We were abused, beaten, and humiliated.
Now we learn how to raise our kids in a different way.
As I begin to write for you, sponsors and friends of Last Bell, first I’d like to say why the mothers’ meetings of the Stop the Cycle program mean so much to me.
Most people raise their kids by following their parents’ example; it is their only source of experience and knowledge. But what good can come from the experience of the girl who spent her childhood in an orphanage, where her caregivers and teachers beat and punished her every time she failed instead of teaching her?
We were not just put in a corner. They made us stand up with our heads against the wall, or holding a chair in our outstretched arms. When our arms hurt, we would rest the chairs on our heads or our arms, but if a teacher saw us, she would hit our arms with a ruler and punish us longer. They also made us lie on our backs with our legs and arms in the air. If we talked during class while working on our homework, we went without a meal. I could write much more about those awful things.
When I was recalling all of this, I tried out the exercises. I need to tell you, it was VERY difficult, and I can’t imagine how we weak kids were able to endure it.
I don’t even want to remember all these disgusting things, and I’d never treat my child that way. Unfortunately, many young moms beat their kids because they know no other way to discipline.
That’s why the meetings for moms are extremely important: we learn how to raise our children. (Even good moms, women who were raised in families, can learn better methods of bringing up their kids! So imagine how important it is for us.)
Yulia and Ksusha
Oksana teaches us lessons on different topics and gives us advice about how to convince kids to do something – not bringing them any harm, but just talking to them and setting rules. It is so significant for our kids, and the main thing is – it really WORKS!
Another advantage of our meetings is our fellowship with each other. Everyone stops feeling lonely for that night. Instead each mom feels like there are people who love, understand, and support her; people who can give advice and, if there is a need, can provide real help. None of the girls want to leave; they want to stay longer to share their own experiences using these new ways of raising kids.
I remember how during one of the meetings Natalia Ostrovska shared her fear of disciplining her son Sashko. She was afraid she would make him hate her in his little heart, just like some hatred was left in her own heart toward the caregivers in the orphanage. The same day Oksana told us that disciplining was vital for the child himself, to hold him or her in a circle of safety. So when Natalia’s son disobeyed, Natalia talked to him and explained that she would punish him, and she did it the way Oksana taught – explaining with love. And what do you think? Sasha started to listen to her words and even obeyed his mom. Since then, in every meeting Natalia talks about how her son obeys her and how well the method of disciplining with love works.
During the mothers’ meetings our little kids have fun playing, while older kids learn about Jesus. And it is not a secret that we all love to bring home a food bag!
When we get home Ksusha and I are tired and ready to go to bed. But while I help Ksusha to take off her clothes and get ready for bed, and also while I unpack the food bag, I keep thinking of all the words and advice I have heard. This new knowledge stays with me the next week because I try to do my best raising my little daughter.
